Vern Tries His Hand at Love
by Izout
Summary: Why can't Vern ever get the girl for a change?


Disclaimer: Not mines, don't sue.

* * *

"That's not the secret knock." Rang Gordie's voice from behind the trapdoor of the tree house.

"I forgot the secret knock, let me in!" Call out Vern from the outside, hoping his friends won't be dicks this time and let him into their homemade structure. After a few seconds, Vern heard the crate move and saw the trapdoor open.

"Vern man, you gotta learn the knock one of these days." Chris told him as he reach for his cigarette pack from his shirt sleeve.

"I know, but I got a lot of stuff on my mind, you know? There's…" And that was when Vern started going on a monologue before his friends brought him back.

"So what's got your panties in a twist?" Teddy asked him trying to shine an old coke bottle with the helm of his shirt.

"Oh, well," Vern paused, thinking about why he came here, "Billy tried to threaten me that we were gonna get it from Ace over the whole dead body thing, even though it's been two months since then and you think he get over it by now. Also this new girl moved next door to me and—"

"What!" All three of his friends shouted.

"What what, what I'd do?!" Vern exclaimed, almost having a heart attack from their sudden outburst.

"There was a new girl who moved into town?" Chris question, "Why the hell didn't I bump into her on my way over here?" Chris just shook his head.

Vern looked confuse. "Why would you bump into her?"

"Because," Chris shrug his shoulders, "If she's new, then obviously she would have gone wondering around Castle Rock to explore the place and ran into me while I was on my over here, and the two of us would have then form an instant and special connection." The Chambers kid explained to him. "I knew I shouldn't have stop in that alley to take a quick piss."

Vern wasn't really following Chris's logic.

"Well, can you tell us what her name is?" Gordie asked him.

"It's—" Vern started only to be cut off again.

"Kenya!" Chris exclaimed.

"No, Theodore!" Gordie guessed.

"Oooh, oooh, I got it, Montana Dawn!" Teddy said.

"It's Carol." Vern stated plainly, not sure where his friends came up with these crazy suggestions.

"Carol? What the hell kinda name is that? She needs to have a name that's shows how special she is, or a boy's name, or a name that could be use in a few years from now." Teddy said reasonably. Both Chris and Gordie nodded their heads in agreement.

"But…" Vern trailed off, wondering what had gotten into his friends recently, "You guys don't even know what she looks like."

"Well what does she look like? I bet she has shiny blonde hair and sparkling green eyes." Chris suggested.

"Or she has dark brown hair and beautiful blue eyes." Teddy threw out.

"Maybe she has the body of a fifteen year old despite only being twelve?" Gordie theorized.

"Actually she has brown hair and brown eyes." Vern simply explain, rolling his eyes over the groans coming from his friends. "You guys, if you're trying to play a joke on me, it isn't funny." Vern told him, crossing his arms to empathize his distaste.

"Well, can you at least tell us what her home life like? We have to protect her!" Teddy asked him, clearly getting fed up with Vern's plain description of "Carol" so far.

"Yeah, I bet her old man beats her, like my dad. And is a drinker, like my dad." Chris suggested.

"Or maybe she has parents who ignore her. Or her mom is a perfectionist who's trying to build her daughter in her own image." Gordie said.

"I don't know, I saw her mom and dad when they were carrying their stuff in and they both seem really nice. Guys, can we please talk about something else?" Vern pleaded to his friends to change the subject, but unfortunately, they continued.

"Tell us more about her, does she look like she came from the View?" Teddy wanted to know. Vern breathed a sigh of relief. FINALLY, someone was asking a sensible question.

Well, that was until the Duchamp kid continued, "Because if she is, I bet she's someone who looks like a rich stuck-up snob on the outside, but on the inside just 'wants something more'."

"I don't know Teddy, she could end up being the queen bitch who hates us because we're poor." Chris offered a counterpoint.

"Yeah, I didn't think about that." Teddy sighed.

"Hey, you guys think she could be a tomboy?" Gordie asked the group.

"I could see that, someone who doesn't get along with her old lady and the other girls due to having different interests…" Chris started.

"… And prefers hanging out with boys instead of girls…" Gordie put in.

"Yeah, yeah, and wears t-shirts and jeans instead of skirts and blouses and wouldn't be caught dead in a dress!" Teddy finished. The other two cheered and Vern look like he was forming a headache.

"So, which one of us do you think she's going to fall in love with?" Teddy asked them.

"Teddy, I think it's obvious." Chris told him, with a smug look on his face.

Teddy's eyes narrowed. "And why would she fall for you?"

Chris leaned forward, looking Teddy straight in the eye, "Because I have pretty blue eyes, and I'm misunderstood, and I need a girl who can help me deal with and overcome my reputation as a Chambers kid." What frighten Vern was that Chris was being completely dead serious when he said that.

Teddy just waved his hand dismissively, "Go to hell Chambers, I'm sick you getting all the girls." Then Teddy puffed out his chest and stated, "If anybody going to have her, it's going to be me, because I need a girl who can look past my crazy exterior and love me for who I am on the inside."

"What about me?" Gordie cried out. "I'm cute and I need someone who can make me happy for the first time in my life since Denny died." Chris pulled Gordie into a half arm hug. It was true after all.

"Wow, and all this time, I thought there was a little somethin' somethin' going on between you and Chambers." Teddy snickered. "I guess this makes sense, you both need girls to keep you both straight." Then Teddy let out his famous laugh.

"Shut up Teddy, Jesus." Chris muttered, removing his arm from Gordie.

"Will you faggots shut the fuck up?" Called out a voice from outside. Pausing, the four boys stretch their necks and lean to look outside the window and two people they were hoping not to see over here. "Because if anyone is going to have her, it's going to be me."

"Ace," Chris started as the boys exited the tree house, "What do you need her for anyone, ran out of whores to fuck?" Chris spat at him.

Ace just merely smirks, "You like to know, wouldn't you kid?" Chris clenched his fist, knuckles turning white, "No, I need her to make me go soft and become a nice, sweet, and romantic person."

"You? Nice and sweet?" Eyeball snorted, "You wouldn't even give your own grandmother a foot massage!" Eyeball then started laughing.

"Oh, and you need her asshole?" Ace challenge him. Eyeball thought about this, then started nodded his head.

"Yeah, as a matter of fact, I do." He said bravely, "I need someone to show me there's more to life than being a Cobra and lead me straight on the path to good citizenship."

"The girl is _mines_." Teddy announced to everybody.

"But I love her!" Gordie cried out.

"Too bad kid, cause she's mine." Ace told him menacingly.

"I should have Carol!" Chris demanded.

"'_I should have Carol_'," Eyeball taunted his younger brother, "Sorry little brother, but this one mines."

"Nuh-uh, she loves me!" Teddy fired at the older Chambers kid.

"You're wrong, she's my true love!"

"Hey, hey hey!" Vern cried out, breaking up the fight, and causing everybody to look at him. From the looks on everyone's faces, it seems like they forgot he was even there! "Everybody stop fighting, you all haven't even met her. And besides, how do you know she won't fall in love with me?"

Everybody exchange looks before bursting out laughing.

"You? Some chick… is going to fall for _you_?" Eyeball said between snickers before laughing again.

Vern just merely turn around and left his friends to their laughter.

* * *

Carol had just entered the house after helping her mother set up their garden when she notices the house was pitch black. She had made it a few steps in when she heard the shuffling of feet and the door slam behind her.

"Hello?" She called out into the empty house. "Anyone here? Dad?" She squinted through the darkness, trying to see if she could make out anything.

"Hello Carol." A voice said from the darkness, causing her to jump.

"Who's… who's there? Who are you?" the young girl called out, shivering with fear.

For a moment, there was silence until the voice spoke again. "I know we don't know each other very well, Carol, but I can't help it, I'm hopelessly in love with her."

"Please, who are you?" She asked while trembling in fear, "My dad has a luger and I'm not afraid to use it!" She cried out, hoping that would scare away whoever was in her house.

There was more silence until she heard the click of a lamp, illuminating the room, and saw a rather chubby looking kid sitting in a recliner.

"What the hell? What are you doing in my house? Hey, aren't you the kid who lives next door to me? Vern, was it?" She asked him, then she notice he was pale and shaking. "Vern? Are you okay? You look so…"

"Sick?" Vern spoke up, "To you, I look sick, but you don't know who I am or how I came to be. You can't."

Carol look like she was about to hightail it out of there, before Vern continued. "Okay, I have a deal to make with you. I need a beautiful and charming girl- that meaning you preferably- to become my girlfriend." When he saw the look of repulsion on her face, he continued. "No, don't think of it that way, I know I don't have Teddy's crazy sense of humor or Chris's rugged good looks, but I know I would make a good boyfriend. Sincerely, I would be faithful to you, and I share all my PEZ with you and everything."

Carol couldn't help but feel sorry for the poor intruder. She took a step closer to him.

"It's just… what do Ace Merrill and Eyeball Chambers all have that I don't? How come all these pretty girls movin' into Castle Rock don't ever fall in love with me or want to be my friend like they do with Gordie and the rest of my friends?"

"Vern…"

"I'm sweet."

"Vern."

"I'm lovable."

"Vern."

"I'm—"

"Vern!" Carol shouted, causing him to jerk from his spot in the chair. "If you wanted a date, why didn't you just say so?" She raised an eyebrow.

"… What?"

"Yeah, if you wanted to go out with me, I would have said yes." She smiled at him, "I'm new in town and it would be nice to have someone to show me around."

"Really?" Vern asked her, couldn't believing what he was hearing.

"Of course," She told him as she made her way to the front door, "Now please, get out of my house before I have my mom call the sheriff on you."

"Oh. OH, yeah, yeah, sure." Quickly getting up from the chair, Vern made his way to the front door. "So, I'll see you later?"

"It's a date." And with that, she slammed the door in his face.

Vern walk a few steps from her porch before looking back at the house.

"Well that was easy."

**The End.**


End file.
